In a previous post, I mentioned that if your potential spouse doesn’t have the one quality you can’t live without then don’t pursue him further. I’ve mentioned this to many sisters and they surprise me when they say “Oh but he can change after marriage” or “I can change him, right?”. I’m surprised because I consider these women to be clever individuals and when a man comes into the equation it’s like emotion kicks in and logic takes a back seat. I’ve got a feeling some men forget about the “bent rib” too.
Here’s the reality check: Please don’t say “oh well he/she can change” or “I can change him/her to have this quality” because then you’re not accepting the person for who they are. Accepting your partner for who they are is really important in a marriage – I’ve yet to read a psychology book that says otherwise.
The fascinating aspect of acceptance is that when you accept your spouse you gain peace within yourself. You may also find that your partner naturally wants to please you more and therefore is more likely to look at how he/she can improve them self (without you saying anything at all)… note: this is more likely to occur when you are married to a sound person. If he/she is unsound (and you knew this before you got married to him/her) then he/she is not likely to want to change them self just because of your acceptance.
Make things easy for yourself by respecting yourself and the one quality you can’t live without in a partner – and stick to it. If you’re still adamant that you can change your potential spouse then realise you’re gambling with not just your life but their life too.