On getting pregnant again

Be proud. You expanded so beautifully for 41 weeks and a day, by the Will of God kept the environment balanced, and when I needed you to help me deliver him you worked so hard to give him a blissful birth. Thank you for doing what you did with the knowledge God gave you.

This is what I want to say to my womb. However, for now, it feels my womb is in hiding… hibernating… healing… and once she has recovered, I will be able to say these words to her and grant her confidence to conceive again, to nurture another soul, and deliver the baby in the way God has agreed with her.

In the meantime, no one should pressure us to have another baby.

For me, it’s not so much about the fear of the outcome – if we give birth to another child of Paradise then so be it; and if the child is granted time on this world then so be it… It’s a gift for us either way. It’s more to do with knowing we need time to give our son his recognition rather than play into the “15 minutes of fame” concept or the “God will give you a better son” concept… a concept that till this day The Hubby and I find strange to hear (our only answer being “Oh really?! What’s better than Paradise?!”).

I also feel people, whether family/friends/random folk, are telling us to have another baby (directly or indirectly) in order to fill their own void or to compensate for their sadness. I’m sorry, that’s not really a good reason to have a baby let alone have a baby post delivering a stillborn. The Hubby and I were taught early on in our marriage to make our intentions abundant and good, especially when we became pregnant… and quite frankly put: “because our elders have told us to have a baby” wasn’t part of our list of intentions and still won’t make the list.

Furthermore, in case I haven’t convinced the “well wishers”, from a medical point of view I know future pregnancies will have a lot of medical interference as there’ll be more scans and blood tests to attend to. Due to my personality and wanting everything to be as natural as possible, I probably end up battling with the medics over what’s right for me and the baby so how about I use the time I got to properly heal physically? After all, I’m going to need energy to take on the medics and no doubt other “well wishers” so I better do that knowing it no longer hurts to put my socks on!

So yeah for now, we are allowing the womb her due rights to rest… to recover… to be reassured. That’s all she needs. That’s all we need.

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