Join The Club

The Exclusive Jhannat Parents Club is for those blessed parents who have lost their child(ren) in pregnancy, labour or whilst they were infants.

It’s filled with members who are patiently enduring the battle of life on this world whilst looking forward to their reunion with God so that they can also gain that well needed embrace from their child(ren).

It also involves hearing silly remarks from non-club members such as:

“You’re still going to the graveyard? Haven’t you dealt with it already?”

“Wait till you have your second, you won’t get any time to yourself”

“My child is so <insert praise of child>, no child is better than mine”

“Oh when you become a mother you will know the stresses I’m going through”

and the classic:

“Move on! Enjoy life! There’s so much out there for you to see.”

For those still battling with how to deal with such silly comments, this member has revised the policies to give the following advice:

“My child is so <insert praise of child>, no child is better than mine”

Advice: As hard as it is, don’t be sad that your child is not around to show you that praiseworthy character. Remember where your child is. Smile inside. You know your child is much better in character and state. Just don’t flaunt it in front of your friend/family member praising their child… it could get very awkward.

“Wait till you have your second, you won’t get any time to yourself”

“Oh when you become a mother you will know the stresses I’m going through”

Advice: Hold back your punch! Don’t waste your energy!

Yes, they’re ungrateful but hey that’s their test not yours! Yes, they’ve forgotten you are already a mother of one/two/three because they can’t see your baby around, but hey if they want to do the whole “seeing is believing” thing then that’s some serious veils to contend with. Roll out your prayers for these blinded folk and embrace your motherhood status.

“You’re still going to the graveyard? Haven’t you dealt with it already?”

“Move on! Enjoy life! There’s so much out there for you to see.”

Advice: Don’t waste your energy explaining why you haven’t “moved on” (like is that even possible?)… Go to the graveyard how ever many times you want, whenever you want, if that’s what you want. Do whatever you want to do to embrace your child(ren)s existence in your life. If you feel comfortable, then speak about him/her/them whenever you want to without hesitation.

People will expect/want you to have forgotten about your child(ren). Maybe this is because they want to live ignorantly again and not realise death could approach them too at a split moment; or maybe it’s because they don’t want to deal with their pain of losing the person you were.

Recognise the loss of your child happened to you and your spouse and not to the non-member, whether they be family/friends or a stranger. Sad reality is, they won’t ever understand how your life halted after the passing of your child(ren), how irrelevant you find conversations that aren’t tailored to what’s really important, or how you lost a part of your self when your child(ren) returned to Allah.

If they became club members they would understand but they’ve not been given such exclusivity by Allah so lets just accept the potential veils on their eyes/mind and make dua for them.

And finally, don’t feel let down by people whether they are family or friends, especially when they forget the anniversary of your child(ren)s birth/death. It is not their views you are really searching for. It’s what God is witnessing from you that matters.

I know it’s nice to receive a message saying “You are in our thoughts” so that you feel like someone out there cares but if it doesn’t happen then don’t exhaust your energy. The best thing about being in this club is that most other members you have met in this journey won’t forget and will be thinking of you rather than giving you what could feel like lip service.

Embrace it. Club membership is amazing!

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