The Shariah has given certain rights to the husband, just as it has give rights to the wife. Many times, failure to give the spouses their rights results in conflict and eventually breakdown of Marriage.

These rights, at times, may not go down to well with certain people and cultures. However, it is necessary for us to educate those Muslims who have been affected by cultural customs and traditions, and inform them of the injunctions of Shariah.

The benefit of learning and educating the masses about the rules and injunctions of Shariah with regards to social affairs is that each party will appreciate what the other has to offer. Subsequently, this will lead to respect, love and harmony.

For example, it is not necessary upon the wife to cook for or serve her parents in-law. Now, many people believe that it is the duty of the wife to look after not only the household affairs but all the family members including the nephew, niece, etc… If she is negligent in any way, then she is rebuked.

However, if the in-laws did not regard this as an incumbent duty of the wife, and she on her own accord took care of the household work, then this work will surely be appreciated. She will also in turn do her best to give something back in return for this appreciation.

Therefore, it is our duty that we teach the masses and inform them of the injunctions of Shariah with regards to social affairs. This may be a Jihad, and one will no doubt face much opposition from culturally oriented individuals, but the rewards by Allah will be immense Insha Allah.

 Shaykh Muhammad  ibn Adam al-Kawthari

After hearing too many accounts of married sisters having problems with their in laws I wanted to write something that I hope would give these sisters some hope as well as make other people aware of why these issues are arising. My intention is not to make this post about “in law bashing”. No body is perfect and we are all struggling as individuals with some demon or another. There are also many sides to a story and ultimately Allah is Just, so in Allah we have trust.

I did, however, want to highlight a few points which Alhamdulillah have also been discussed by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari in what I would call an article to give air to a suffocated woman living with her in laws.

With every promotion comes a new understanding of a matter, diverse adventures, and a different group to converse with. No one takes the opportunity to be promoted from their previous state thinking that the future is grim. They always think it’s going to bring them hope and that they’ll do all that they can to do good and be good.

Why is it then that this hope fades away when a woman gets married (promoted) and gives up her right to her own living quarters (by instead sharing the house with her in laws)?

Some could argue she’s insane for doing so. Others could see it as courageous or “the right thing to do”. Ultimately it’s between the married sister and Allah as it’s her right to her own living quarters (living space, bedroom, kitchen and  bathroom with a lock on all) that she is wavering.

I know for sure that every woman gets married with good intentions of living peacefully with her husband, having a good respectful relationship with her in laws and continue on growing as a woman. So what’s the struggle really about?

A friend was discussing this issue with me and said marriage to any woman is her expression of womanhood – her revealing her vulnerability to her husband and being respected by him. When she’s living with her in laws the mother in law (MIL), naturally wanting to be the only woman in the house, makes the daughter in law (DIL) “a child” by telling her how to dress, what to eat, how to cook, how to walk, when to have babies, and what to do about her personal finances. The MIL keeps the DIL “a child” and this struggle inside the DIL who wants to express her womanhood (a sign of being an adult) continues.

Later when the DIL becomes a mother another level of hostility arrives whereby the MIL, not wanting another mother in the house, demands that the child be raised her way. Naturally every mother has their own instinct about their child… so when the MIL is wanting to raise her grandchild in a way that the DIL doesn’t another conflict arises. The solution: set boundaries which are respected by the in laws otherwise move out.

It’s amazing to see in the Indo-Pak communities so much nonsense… you know the information you hear and your whole being is screaming out “Where on earth did they get this theory from?!”

It’s either that you are allowed to uncover in front of your brother in laws, you can pray in another prayer time as currently there’s housework to do and that’s more important (!), your sister in laws already know how to look after the house (so they don’t need to do it any more) but you are not trained so need to do it forever, or you are not allowed to move out of the in laws but their daughter must have her own house when she is married. All this thinking is not from Islam and so are the words of either ignorant people, oppressors, or people refusing to implement the knowledge they’ve been given. I would usually say education helps remove ignorance but I also understand the role to educate the in laws isn’t for the DIL (it’s for her husband). I also strongly feel turning off the Asian Drama channels would help, as well as having a supportive husband who will allow his wife to practise her religion properly. After all, did you not marry her for her religious intellect?

If you’re a married man reading this and thinking “but I need someone to look after my parents” then realise that under the Hanafi school, your wife is not obliged to do that. In fact, it’s your responsibility to. You have two requirements – your requirement as a son; and your requirement as a husband. How you deal with those requirements is up to you but they are separate from one another. Don’t mingle them! You can read more about it in another article from Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari.

Allah has given women more rights than women actually know or take on board. I seriously believe that these rights/recommendations that have been given to us by our Creator is for our own betterment.

Our situations can either break us or make us. Allah has guided us to ways that will only make us. Even if we feel broken, abiding by His rules and recommendations will help us mend ourselves.

You are not your mother in laws property and so whatever she says doesn’t have to happen. Neither do you have to clean up after your father/brother/sister in laws. They should have been taught how to clean up after themselves and so let them use the knowledge their mother gave them. And neither should you be the subject of abuse from all of them just because you decide to take your right of privacy.

You deserve to be looked after, to be respected, to be enobled as a woman/mother. So take your space and don’t feel guilty about it. If others make you feel guilty for it then know you’re not responsible for their beliefs. As it’s difficult to educate them, without them taking it out on you, take a better route and make dua for them.

And Tawfiq is from Allah.

Related Articles:

Virtues 1433AH/2012

Birmingham | Bradford | Glasgow | Liverpool | London | Luton | Nottingham 

London – 28th January 2012

Bradford – 29th January 2012

Liverpool – 30th January 2012

Birmingham – 31st January 2012

Nottingham – 1st February 2012

Luton – 2nd February 2012

Glasgow – 3rd February 2012

May Allah grant us all the ability to learn, implement and teach the virtues of the Prophet (peace and blessings upon him). Allahumma Ameen.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

The believer’s shade on the Day of Resurrection will be his charity.

[Al-Tirmidhi - Hadith 604]

I’m raising funds for the Felicity House project in Liverpool – a project our dear teachers have been working on for many years now and is near to its completion. Felicity House will hopefully serve as the Headquarters for Greensville Trust. InshaAllah it will consist of a Micro Madrasa Academy for Adult Education, Dawah Drop-In Centre, Children’s Nursery, Prayer Room, Islamic Library, Cafe & Art Gallery, and Garden Area for Reflection. It will be the base from which our teachers, Ustadha Nagheba, Shaykh Ibrahim Osi Efa, and Shaykh Haroon Hanif, can continue their outreach programs in various towns and cities throughout the UK.

In order to complete the refurbishment of the Felicity House building a further £200k is needed. Hence The Declaration of Love – in Pursuit of Felicity event in Manchester has been organised. This is an event taking place on the birthday of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) – the 12th Rabi’ al-Awwal (Saturday 4th February) – so it’ll be a great gathering to come together, share our love for our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), and donate towards a cause that aims to spread the message he (peace and blessings be upon him) came with.

I intend to raise as much as I can and pledge it all at The Declaration of Love – in Pursuit of Felicity event. Insha’Allah on such a blessed day, I shall remember all those who donated and shall mention you by name amongst the gathering of blessed company. I can only start with great intentions and hope Allah raises the station of all those who donate towards such a worthy cause and that our beloved Rasool (peace and blessings be upon him) becomes proud to call us part of his Ummah.

Please email me on asmakarif @ gmail.com or leave a comment below if you would like to donate.

And Success is from Allah.

Take care, keep smiling and wasalaam alaykum wa rahmatullah

When The Rain comes look in to the direction from which it came, read abundant Salawat upon the Prophet (pbuh) and be happy instead of fearful of what is about to wash over you.

This is for those who reflect.

The Greensville Trust is honoured to announce the annual ‘A Declaration of Love - In Pursuit of Felicity’ event in honour and celebration of the great birth of our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him).

This year the event will take place on the evening of the 12th Rabī al-Awwal, 1432 (Saturday 4th February 2012) - 7.00pm to 10.30pm (doors open 6.00pm) at the prestigious Sheridan Suite, Oldham Road, Manchester M40 8EA.

Featuring:

Scholars Faiz Qureshy, Abdul Karim Yahya, Jihad Brown, Ibrahim Osi-Efa
Nasheed Artists Umar Abdullah Debois & Hamza Robertson
HBO Def Poet Amir Suleiman
Filmmaker & Photographer Mustafa Davis
Plus Five-course meal
£30 per person | £250 per table of ten

Please note this is a charity dinner to raise money for the completion of Felicity House to enable Greensville Trust to continue their noble task of spreading Islam in the UK. The ticket price covers bringing top quality acts from the US to Manchester plus a five-course meal so please donate generously on the night.

We pray that through your continued co-operation and effort that this proves to be a fitting culmination to the Felicity House fundraising initiative, insha’ Allah.

The poster for the event is attached to the link above and tickets are now available on request. Please email info@greensvilletrust.org for more details.

The Greensville Trust is honoured to to present the second annual Virtues tour during the prophetic month of Rabi al-Awwal.

The Aim

The primary aim of Virtues is to engender in society a greater love and knowledge of the Messenger of God peace be upon him by nurturing a greater awareness of the sanctity and ultimate purpose of the month of Rabī‘ al-Awwal amongst the general public.

Virtues is a six city annual tour that covers the length and breadth of the British Isles that will occur during the blessed month of Rabī al-Awwal.

The Theme

The Virtues theme is based upon ethics and moral practice of prophecy. Particular attention will be paid to the prophetic traits that relate to the spheres of intellect; anger and desire, in order to promote the manners in which the modern condition of man can be healed. The physical features and character traits of the Prophet peace be upon him will also be depicted through oratory and poetic means, as well as by exhibiting artistic and cultural works that represent and celebrate the legacy of the Prophet peace be upon him himself in the modern era.

The Prophetic Relics Exhibition 

The Prophetic Relics Exhibition is an open concept exhibition, where visitors will have the opportunity to become acquainted with the lifestyle of the Prophet Muhammad (may God bestow mercy and peace upon him) through a tactile and olfactory experience of a number of items which he used in 7th century Arabia. The exhibition covers his clothing, grooming, food, medicine and some household items.

More Details to Follow….

I’ve been observing the questions people have asked me after the birth of our daughter, Fatima Zahra Naeem. One question that still perplexes me is

Does she cry or is she a good girl?

I’ve been pondering over this quite a lot (The Hubby could say too much) because saying “Oh no, she doesn’t cry at all” would mean I’ve either lost the faculty to hear or I’m lying & earning the wrath of Allah at the same time (for lying). So far I’ve avoided answering the silly question but yesterday I braved it out and answered with a smile:

Of course she cries. She’s a baby. That’s how baby’s communicate and I’m glad she’s communicating with me.

The questioner looked surprised by my honest answer, paused for a moment as if to recollect her experience, and then replied “you’re right. they do!”

Did this woman forget she had children, I have no clue. Though a few things I wish people would realise:

  • Crying is not “bad” but is an opportunity for the parent to understand their baby better and likewise for the baby to get a vital need met (if he/she can’t depend on his/her parents who else is he/she going to depend on?!).
  • A baby is naturally good and pure. It’s our own impurities and failed vision that struggles to understand/see this.
  • If you are a mother, try to remember how upset and protective you got when a “well-wisher” passed an unfair, negative comment towards your child. Now remembering those feelings don’t put a new mother through that.
  • New mothers should be supported, not judged. If she doesn’t take your advice as wants to mother/nurse a different way, then respect her wishes and let her be. Your way may have “worked” for your children. It may not work for hers.

In conclusion, here’s some advice…

  • To all those “well wishers”: Next time you go visit a newborn don’t ask silly questions that you already know the answer to as bottom line, babies do cry. If they didn’t then there’s cause for concern and authorities need to be involved. Don’t give the mother an opportunity to lie (not a good thing) or an opportunity to make you look silly. Instead speak good words and say a prayer. Then leave as no doubt the new mother is going to be very tired and will need rest instead of pondering over your silly remarks.
  • To new mothers: respect yourself by trusting your instincts (even if others tell you you are wrong). If you hear your baby cry and you know it’s for a feed (established breastfeeding mothers know when their baby needs a feed) then go feed your child. Everything else can wait. Yep, I’ve said it: everything else can wait. Wait let me say it again: EVERYTHING ELSE CAN WAIT!  Nothing is more important than you looking after the gift God has granted you. Your FIL/MIL/BIL/SIL/neighbour/business call can all wait. Your baby needs YOU. Go to your baby and be happy for a moment that’s yours and no one elses. Question such silly questions and answer honestly. Your child is learning from you. So speak honestly to ensure your child is honest.
And tawfiq is with Allah. Ameen.
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 29 other followers